Pecco Bagnaia pulled his own trousers down after the second Qatar MotoGP and administered a sound telling off after he made several errors that cost him a potential podium. Bagnaia messed up his start, then regained ground from 12th to sixth before then running wide at turn one.

"I have to learn. In a factory team these type of errors are unacceptable. Without this I was fighting for the top positions. I didn’t struggle more than Pramac, but the result isn’t on the same line as my riding today, I think," he shouted at himself before giving himself a hundred lines and a week's detention.

Before heading back to Europe, honchos from Dorna and the FIM are due to visit Indonesia to check on the progress of the new Mandalika Street Circuit which is supposed to be ready for homologation in June. It is currently 50 per cent complete, apparently with some of the surface already down. 'She was only the roadmender's daughter, but she liked her asphalt," Carmelo Ezpeleta probably didn't sing.

Both Jack Miller and Iker Lecuona have undergone arm-pump surgery after spending weeks away from their respective girlfriends locked in hotel rooms with 'pay per view' TV. You can do the maths.

According to ultra-reliable Italian sources, Fabio Digiannanntonnio will go into MotoGP with Gresini next year when they bag the Suzuki satellite contract.

Keyboard warriors, most of whom have never worried tarmac with a kneeslider, have called for the head of Valentino Rossi, demanding he move aside to allow a young rider to take his place. Grow up, you twats.

Scotland's John McPhee issued a statement of apology after sticking one on Jeremy Alcoba on Sunday. In one of the best handbag moments ever witnessed, the Briton has obviously been to the Paul Kaye school of scrapping.

Miguel Oliveira got a lightning start on Sunday, passing almost everyone into turn one before his dash stopped working and he was forced to remember what gear he was in using his own head, like the good old days.

Maverick Vinales said he had to be crazy to fight with the Ducatis at Losail. But he was only prepared to go Rose West levels and not the full Dahmer which would have assured him a win. Or a trip to hospital.